May 11, 2023

I love my friends and I love having friends of all different ages, but the problem with having friends in their early twenties is like…I’ve already done the obsess over what and when to text a boy thing. I have already written texts by committee and provided feedback on other peoples’ drafts. I no longer have this in me.

May 11, 2023

Don’t hold me to this but I’m feeling a lot more chill and healed about my family after this visit, in a we tell ourselves stories in order to live and i’ve resolved on a story for this that allows me to live kind of way.

May 8, 2023

I don’t know how to explain — my youngest sister is supernaturally beautiful. I am lovely, and my other sister has grown up quite beautifully, but my youngest sister is so beautiful as to be unignorable, a kind of beauty that INTRUDES on your consciousness it gets more remarkable every year I cannot stop STARING. It’s not a thing of envy or comparison, it’s separate from that, it’s a marvel. I can feel our mom seeing it the same way that I do, it doesn’t make us love her more or less, it is simply strange, to be genetically related to such a person. Probably even more so for mom, who created her. I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like every person who thinks the people they love are beautiful (they are) but Maggie’s beauty is something almost alien. She so beautiful as to almost render her beauty moot. Her beauty is like a wonder of the world.

May 8, 2023

Also on the similarities of hanging out with old people and toddlers—they both have incredibly interesting brains and are experiencing the world differently and more vividly and have fascinating observations and reward patience.

May 8, 2023

Absolutely dwelling on how much of a big deal it was that I took my gramma out for a four block twenty minute walk.

May 2, 2023

Airhorn bwa bwa bwa bwaaaa I want to nitpick a common refrain “there’s no such thing as unskilled labor” actually there is but if you’re doing it you’re still a human being who should make a living wage and be treated with respect and experience the sublime joys of life.

April 30, 2023

I’ve decided to operate this summer on the assumption that I’m lovely, and see what happens.

April 28, 2023

I’m too old to be soberly posting about this at 10am on tumblr dot com but I have been having SUCH frequent sex dreams lately about like everyone I’ve ever hooked up with. At this point if we’ve slept together at any point in the past 12 years and I haven’t dreamed about you in the past six weeks it’s a real insult to you from my subconscious.

April 27, 2023

On my way home tonight I stopped at the market where I used to stop after night classes, and there it was, all the same. I got choked up suddenly. There was a pandemic and I graduated and I moved away – I moved away! – and Remy was born and I got older and it’s still there, all the same. The same ridiculously rich chocolate mousse cup I always bought, the same disappointing soups, the same selection of dark chocolates and kombuchas. I saw all at once my entire life stretched out in the past and the future, the whole thing. It was very alarming for a Thursday night. When I got home later, the mousse didn’t have the chunks of not quite melted chocolate in it like it used to, so at least that’s something.

April 26, 2023

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In terms of experience with my materials, time spent, confidence, vibe captured, this might be my best work to date

April 26, 2023

Writing this out because I need to remember it and maybe you do too – the feelings I feel while tapering my celexa dosage and starting my period are VALID but that doesn’t make them ACCURATE REPRESENTATIONS of my life and reality in general.

April 25, 2023

Very upset by finding John mulaney kinda hot now that he’s tired and mean.

April 22, 2023

I am obsessed with this video it’s SO mean and warm at the same time and I am transfixed by Art Garfunkel’s face as they start to sing it seems like such an intense sensation of homecoming and resentment and pleasure and annoyance.

April 22, 2023

I’ve always been fascinated by Simon and Garfunkel’s dynamic, but somehow without ever having so much as googled “why hate each other” and today I did and found this iconic example of big babyism from Art Garfunkel we simply have to stan a lifelong tantrum:

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April 20, 2023

Anyways, time to reread Odd Woman And The City

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