railways asked: As someone who is (sadly) completely clueless when it comes to dating...tell me about how (your) dates even work. Do you know the guy very well beforehand? If you don't...what do you talk about? Does it help to be at least mildly attractive? If you go on a dinner date, where in NYC is your favourite place to go, and are you ever worried about eating the wrong thing and bloating afterwards? Really hard-hitting stuff, I know.
Ok, I’m not going to lie, I find the idea of me being some kind of dating expert both ridiculous and a little flattering. By which I mean, I don’t want to give the impression I’m some kind of dating wunderkind. I actually didn’t start “dating” by any interpretation of that word until I was 18 or 19 and didn’t start doing anything seriously until I was 20. So I guess I can give you the dating perspective of someone who is also completely clueless when it comes to dating, but has been muddling through far too many dates or date-esque-situations anyhow.
I would say, first and foremost, be yourself. Which, trite, I know, but I have had a few bad dates where there was no conversation beyond “So, where are you from? Oh, ok. Where’d you go to school? Oh, ok.” Which can be because you’re just not a good match, but in my case were because I was too nervous to actually talk about stuff because I was worried I’d talk about the wrong things too much, or say something he disagreed with which was dumb because he’s either going to like talking to you or not, but either way you have to find out. I’m not saying you should, like, Liz Lemon him, but she did, after all, end up dating Flower Guy.
On that note, try not to be too nervous. Just think of it as, “I’m going to go and hang out and have fun tonight. There’ll be a dude there too, and we’re both going to have fun and make each other laugh.
As far as meeting the guys, I have an abominable track record of meeting guys at work which I DO NOT recommend, AT ALL. If you must date someone from work (it’s bound to happen, 40 hours a week together is a lot of time) limit yourself to one per job. And I know people are always like, make sure it’s someone you’re really interested in and they want something serious, but I think it’s almost easier if you’re just casually dating or sleeping together. It’s easier to compartmentalize that way. The other ways I’ve met guys are at bars or very occasionally friends of friends (not a euphemism for ‘online’). Oh, also a couple quick dates with guys I met online, but that just wasn’t working for me.
I have way more dates for drinks than for dinner. I think I’ve only had three or four dinner dates in NYC. If it’s for dinner, I let him decide, because I’ll eat anything and because he’s usually paying. I don’t worry about bloating, but a little bit about looking gross while I eat, so I stay away from giant sandwiches which my own father has told me I look like a mess eating—Thanks, Dad!
So, yeah. Just, like, try to have fun, I would say, you know? You can’t help being nervous but try to make jokes and laugh at yourself and laugh at him and his jokes. Be willing to reveal some secrets, but nothing too painful, and be open to wherever the night takes you. And dress in whatever you’re comfortable in—without taking into account how “slutty” it is, or any of those stupid Cosmo articles about what guys want you to wear.
Hope that was even moderately helpful?
